Sometimes the messiness is necessary
Thank God for another Simply Faith Friday!
Good morning. This Simply Faith Friday is for me, but if you happen to be blessed by it, please let me know.
Let me start by saying that sometimes the messiness is necessary- not messy people, but messy situations. If you are anything like me, you make plans and pay close attention to the details. You don't let life happen to you without controlling the narrative in some way. For example, you may keep a tight schedule and plan how your day, weeks, or months will go. I have a serious Type C personality. Type C people have to have a plan; they are very detailed oriented and logical. You will rarely catch me slipping without a plan or list of some sort. I don't care how big or small the task is.
I also just took the Myer Briggs assessment and found out I have an INTJ personality. ( Which explains so much)
A little more about INTJ personality assessment:
"The INTJ develops precise structures in the brain from early childhood. This means that information is extremely well organized. They can analyze with ease as a result of this highly organized structure."
I am trying to paint a picture of what goes on in my mind, almost 24/7.
I LOVE STRUCTURE!!!!!!!! People who know me know that I have ALWAYS been like this.But enough about that. Let me get back to this week.
I was feeling a little blocked in my spiritual life this week. I have grown from the days of not believing that God does not hear me when I pray, but I just felt a bit disconnected. I know whenever I feel disconnected, it's an indication that I need to do a self-inventory. When I pray about something, God answers me in a way that I know it's him; I love that about Him. I prayed and asked God to reveal any hindrances or anything that's standing in the way of Him flowing through me.
This is what he revealed to me:
I have made an idol of excessive planning and allowing mental and written to-do list to guide my day. No matter how accomplished or successful I feel, I have not been able to find peace in checking off my to-do list. God never intended my journey to be that clean. I am a girl who loves a nice clean canvas to work on, but God is allowing this season of my life to be just straight-up messy! I don't like operating in chaos, but for some reason, every time I try to clean it up, God puts it in shambles again. He made me aware that I spend more time cleaning up than I spend letting go and trusting. Instead of surrendering my process entirely to God, I've been putting too much time focusing on my so-called plan. When I first started my Ph. D. program, I struggled to find balance in my life. God said, "I didn't tell you to balance all of this, I told you to trust me!"
Lord, let me type this out the way I feel it.
Who can know the mind of Christ? Who can plan for something that has not yet been revealed? Eyes have not seen, neither have ears heard all the things God has in store for them that trust and believe.
Let it get messy, Sam, it's okay.
Listen, sometimes we have to get a little messy, and that it is okay. Each days' success is not measured by how many items we check- off of our to-do list. It's okay if things don't get done. Success is measured by how many times I consult God about everything going on throughout my day when it doesn't go the way I plan. Success is measured by holding on to His word or leaning on His understanding and not my own. Truthfully, He always comes through!
I have been battling with giving up this area of control my entire life. I realize now that it was just me trying to manipulate the narrative. Furthermore, it revealed that my faith has not been 100% in God's power alone.
I am not saying that I won't continue to plan because that is How God created me. However, at the end of the day, the plan that I "so-call" create should never lead my life. 100% faith in God is starting each day with a blank canvas, looking up to God and thanking God for everything I need for the day, and being okay with watching Him work it out.
I hope this revelation blesses you as much as it blessed me.
Yours on purpose,
Simply Faith